It's a new year.

Well, it's officially 2014 and I still can't decide if I'm excited or in denial. I think more the former.

***

At the start of each year, we tend to make resolutions and lists. January 1st marks the beginning, and for many, the chance to start over, hit the refresh button, and be the person we wish we had been during the last year. This time it's for real. I'm serious this time. All things I have said before and honestly, I have been finding myself saying it again this year. 

Why do we say these things? 

Something about those words just doesn't sit right with me.

***

In light of the New Year, I have chosen to not only make a list of goals, but I am choosing to also celebrate 2013. It certainly was a BIG and exciting year, and rather than thinking about all I wish I had done, I want to remember it as a time of fullness and blessing. 

My life in 2013:

+ I landed a grown-up job!

+ I spent time with 3 kiddos who are more family than just another baby-sitting job.

+ I enjoyed spring break with my closest friends.

+ I ran a half-marathon.

+ I graduated from college.

+ I bought a car.

+ I moved to a new city.

+ I made new friends.

+ I visited 3 new cities (Tulsa, St. Louis, Indianapolis).
+ I started graduate school.

+ I taught high schoolers for a whole semester. (Whew!)

More importantly:

+ I learned to really value friends & family.

+ I learned how to say goodbye. 

+ I learned to understand the importance of keeping in touch.

+ I started learning how to ask questions and how important it is to really understand/value grace.

+ I learned more and more about relying on God's purpose and plans: "Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand." Proverbs 19:21

+ I realized (for the 100th time) that I am not perfect - but my God is perfect.

2013, you were too good to me.

Friendship

Maybe I'm sad about graduating - or getting there, anyway.

Maybe I'm just on one of those emotional roller coaster rides that comes around every so often and isn't really justified. (Or I'm just a girl and, let's be real, I'm always emotional.)

Maybe I have just suddenly become "older" and "wiser" and now see the value in things I once took for granted.

Regardless of my current situation and state of mind (or the fact that it's almost midnight and way past my bedtime), I am feeling overwhelmed by my friendships.

Not in a bad way. No, in a very good way.

+ + +

Friendships have always been something on which I have placed a lot of weight, and at times, have relied on too much, regardless of being the independent person that I am. (Let's be honest; it's nice to be surrounded by people who want to be around you!) It has only been within the last few years, I think, that I have seen a clearer picture of what real, genuine friendships are like.

+ + +

Friends have come and gone in my life. Some friendships last a month, others last a year, and still others last years and years and years.

I don't really know what it is about friendship that makes it so meaningful. Scratch that; I know why friendships mean so much to me, but putting these thoughts and feelings into words is way too difficult.

Maybe that's why friendship is so special -- It's one of those largely inexplicable things in life. A thing that makes life so sweet; worthwhile; fun; joyful; emotional. It is a way to genuinely share life with other people. It is community at its finest; fellowship with another being - a living, moving, breathing, soulful being.

It is encompassed in those late night conversations about anything and everything, silly and serious. It is sharing your struggles, fears, joys, and daily happenings. It is speaking truth in love. It is telling a friend that one small thing you found funny about your day that only they would understand. It is unexplained laughter that you just can't seem to stifle. It is sharing tears and prayers, meals and celebrations, chaos and stillness.

+ + +

I am overwhelmed in this moment as I reflect on my friendships of long ago. And the sweetness of knowing that some of them have lasted through the years (despite miles, schedules, and life paths in general) - that brings joy to my heart.

And the deep bond I experience with friends who are close by; who surround me literally everyday with love and encouragement; who I can interact with like sisters and speak openly and honestly in their presence.....

It is so, so obvious to me that this is one of the things we were created for. And I am incredibly thankful for that.

+ + +

"The friendship is not a reward for our discriminating and good taste in finding one another out. It is the instrument by which God reveals to each of us the beauties of others."

C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

A Thankful Heart

I have learned a lot about God's character over the years. I have read the Psalms, which proclaim praise for who God is. I have witnessed God's character at work countless times. I have personally seen and experienced God's character being put on display in my life. And for all of these things, I am thankful.

***

But in the moment, when life is stressful, haphazard, and unpredictable, I often have a hard time looking at my circumstances and saying "Yes - God is obviously teaching me _____."

I seem only able to look back on things that have already happened in my life and point out where I can now see that God has worked and how that has impacted me.

***

So, I'm thankful for what I have learned about God and the way he has woven together my life to continually reveal himself to me.

***

But, I am also thankful for those times (good and bad) when what I am experiencing points so clearly back to the One who has created those experiences - even as I am still in the midst of the chaos.

My life - at this moment - is one of those times when God is continually making himself known to me. I can clearly see his faithfulness and goodness being proclaimed into my life and through my current circumstances. I am enabled to praise him in the good times, and praise him in the bad.

***

The Lord always seems to make his faithfulness and goodness known to me, despite my stubborn nature and unwillingness to see him in my circumstances.

And I am always left with a thankful heart.

***

They shall come and sing aloud on the height of Zion,
and they shall be radiant over the goodness of the LORD,
over the grain, the wine, and the oil,
and over the young of the flock and the herd;
their life shall be like a watered garden,
and they shall languish no more.
Then shall the young women rejoice in the dance,
and the young men and the old shall be merry.
I will turn their mourning into joy;
I will comfort them, and give them gladness for sorrow.
I will feast the soul of the priests with abundance,
and my people shall be satisfied with my goodness,
declares the LORD.”
Jeremiah 31:12-14